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The storefront on East Michigan Avenue in downtown Lansing, Mich., is modest. However, the website for the City Rescue Mission practically carnival barks: Shattered lives! Broken dreams! Ruined hopes! These are things that we deal with on a daily basis ..." Until Jeff Smoker's work at the homeless shelter, his recovery from substance abuse was mostly a private affair. After becoming a volunteer at the 92-year-old City Rescue Mission, the "comeback" of Michigan State's quarterback became very public, though unpublicized.
Five and a half months ago the Michigan State quarterback was suspended for the all-encompassing "violation of team rules." Four and a half months ago Smoker admitted that a "downward spiral" into the abuse of multiple substances not only affected him but the program. Smoker next popped up at spring practice as something of a ghost. Taking snaps but also taking stock of what it will take for him to really rejoin the Spartans. Before he is ever seriously considered for football again, Smoker must prove to Smith he is worthy. Smith has Smoker getting up at 5:30 a.m. for "extra work," and serving meals to the homeless. "There's things he's going through that the media doesn't know about, kids on the team probably don't know about," Smith said. Well, we do now. "Yeah, he did volunteer here," said a City Rescue Mission official, "but if you want anything else you have to call his coach." This is enough for now. No matter how many passes Smoker drills between the numbers, recovery is a private and perpetual thing because the afflicted are always one stumble away from falling off the wagon. Smoker cannot compete for the starting job this spring, Smith said. Football is nothing but a vegetable. "He's got that carrot out in front of him," Smith said. Instead, Smith wants his quarterback to concentrate on that competition between the yin and yang in his brain. At first the Smoker Rules seemed punitive -- punishment for a fall from glory that is largely chemical. Though addiction doesn't necessarily reflect a character flaw, wanting to recover from it does reflect character. "More than punitive, it's that he opens his eyes to what is going to happen if he doesn't change his life," Smith said. So as Smith plays the ghost who shows Ebeneezer Scrooge his past, present and future, Smoker is taking heed. He wants to stay clean. He doesn't want to fumble his second chance, but the truth is when the devils in his synapses begin whispering, he might not have a choice. It's a story that doesn't necessarily have a happy ending. This game for the 21-year-old is decades long. Perhaps when grandchildren are sitting at his knee, Smoker can say with some certainty that he made it out of the clutches of substance abuse.
"Recovery is pretty much a lifetime commitment. Addiction is not something you can just walk away from." Because he abused multiple substances, there are multiple support systems for him in Lansing. His team, friends, coaches and, as Vickie pointed out, Cocaine Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and AA. "Depending on the severity of the problem, they may go into a detox unit for some period of time and go into an in-patient treatment center for 28 days," she said of alcoholics. "Then go right into attending meetings. Some of the people in the program, go every day, they may have been around for 20 years." Vickie wouldn't give her last name. The reason is that many of the people that run these places are recovering alcoholics themselves. It is not fair to out a person whose struggles and life are private. Smoker is different. He became a public figure when he signed a national letter of intent to Michigan State. He is using public money for his scholarship. Of course, no one banked on Smoker getting involved in these unspecified substances. The point is, the City Rescue Mission and people like Vickie are as tied to Smoker's future as Smith. "It's a day-by-day-by-day deal," Smith said. "The point is ... until, using (the term) alcoholic, admits that he is alcoholic and really wants to change, it's not going to happen. You're right off the wagon." It has been inspiring that Smoker admitted the problem, treated it and now is trying to get back on the field. His internal demons are his own. Unfortunately, his life is not. When Smoker admitted his problem, it didn't quell rumors that had been running rampant around Lansing and the Michigan State campus. Imagine the worst things people could say about you. Then put yourself in Smoker's shoes. A kid from a small town, Manheim, Pa., being recruited by the best programs in the country. Since arriving in 2000, Smoker has been subject to all the pressures of a starting Big Ten quarterback. Maybe he started drinking or smoking a little weed to take the edge off. Then it got out of control. There is no operating manual for the brain when mood-altering substances are introduced. Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD. God knows what state David Wells is in when he takes the mound. Daryl Porter did some of his best work in his pill period. But in general it is never good for an athlete to abuse his body. Strangely, Smoker never tested positive for unauthorized substances. His problem was a secret and hidden. He did not, as rumors suggested, deal drugs or gamble. He never played a game hung over, drunk or high but the overall effect hurt his life and his game. "The social aspects of college got out of control for me," Smoker said last fall. In the middle of his ordeal, Bobby Williams was fired. And Smoker can't help but feel he is partly responsible. Now he has to prove himself all over again to a new staff. Despite not letting him compete for the job, Smith can't help but evaluate Smoker during the spring. In three seasons he has become one of the school's best quarterbacks. But his name can't appear on the depth chart, if it does at all, until the fall. "Here's the deal and Jeff understands it:" Smith said. "I'm not going to put my eggs in a basket that all of a sudden there might not be a bottom of the basket. I told him, 'I'm not going to make you the No. 1 guy when you've not proven to this football team and to everyone that you've completely changed and taken care of the problem.'" The truth is addictions are never taken care of. That's why they are addictions. They are hidden, stifled, ignored, hopefully never awoken. Whether Jeff Smoker plays 15 years in the NFL or never plays again, he knows that he is a heartbeat away from shattering lives, breaking dreams and ruining hopes. |
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