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"I think it's going to be interesting. I think we should have it as a time capsule item, because in some future century people are going to look and say, 'What were they thinking about?' And I'm positive that (the deceased Boston Celtics coach) Red (Auerbach) is watching and getting ready to call me. I think we've gone over the top."
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And with that, The Coot rose and disappeared in that fog. Koreen was overcome by the logic as he scrambled desperately for the exit and air -- The Coot was saving the world both for those long passed and those whose lives were just beginning.
What is more, he was cleverly obscuring the fact that these playoffs have become not hot, loud and atonal, but something worse -- extraordinarily predictable. The home team is 47-15 in the postseason, and more games are decided by double digits (39-23) than not. You'd think that would make people lose their interest in fire, or anything else, really. The high point of these playoffs, in fact, has been Charles Barkley inadvertently announcing that he is a dumbass on TNT.
But he will take no chances, so he continues in his quiet way to make the game a calmer, more Zen-like experience. And as he fades into the distance to the strains of Celine Dion's version of Umbrella, he calls out, "I'll be back ... so make sure those safety rails are up." And a grateful nation, its cochlear nerves and skin saved through his tender mercies, wonders "Who was that man with the reading glasses and the slippers?"
"That was no sedentary grandfather," someone says. "That was The Old Coot. Now I need a place to sit."
Ray Ratto is a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.
