That picture of Gregg Doyel is misleading. He's not that tall. He's not that muscular. And the hair? It's all wrong. It's not blonde (today), and it's not that long. It's stubbly, which gives him a rugged look to compensate for ... other things.

Doyel's an idiot, but you knew that. That's why you're here, right? To find out, "Who is this idiot?"

This idiot is 36. He was born in Hawaii, raised in Mississippi and sent to high school in Georgia. He might have gone to college, but we're not talking about that. He has written two books, neither of them good. He has won writing awards, which shows you what a writing award is worth these days. Doyel's the kind of guy who plays golf by himself, shoots baskets in an empty gym, and he's starting to figure out just how much people don't like him.

Misunderstood, Doyel lives life by two phrases. He wrote neither of them, because as anyone will tell you, he's not good enough to come up with this stuff himself.

The first comes from My Name Is by Eminem: "I don't give a f---, dog. God sent me to piss the world off."

The second comes from The Rose by Bette Midler: "I say love, it is a flower. And you, its only seed."