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"Because I don’t have any shoulders and this is how the shirt stays on," he said.
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It's true. Goydos has raised slouching to a high art. But he is no slouch in the interview room, to be sure. As he watched video highlights of his day, he was asked to add a running commentary.
"Very nice," he said as an early putt rolled in. "Good-looking guy, too."
Goydos played with Sergio Garcia in the third round and watched as the Spaniard, for the second day in a row, played brilliantly from tee to green, yet couldn’t buy a putt. Goydos, meanwhile, has 31 one-putt greens in three rounds, an unholy clip.
"I'm sure he was looking at me and wants to throw up," Goydos said. "The futures market, you decide who you want to take.
As he delivers these whistling shots to his own psyche, Goydos barely smirks, but he's always got that playful glimmer in his eye. The guy could have been a stand-up comedian -- which he was, sort of, when he briefly taught math and science in the gang-infested Long Beach Unified School District while trying to establish a career as a tour player.
That was back in 1992. He changed occupations when he overheard some middle-school kids talking about how they had just killed somebody.
The crowd on tour is only slightly less frightening as it relates to career survival, of course. Goydos has been plying his trade steadily, although five times he has failed to finish in the top 125 in earnings. He has missed his past six cuts at majors, didn’t qualify for the Masters this year and has never played in the British Open.
"I actually think that I'm a better player than I have ever been," he said. "But so is everybody else, which is a problem."
As far as fans go, he's fairly anonymous. Same for the manufacturers. Goydos doesn’t have any corporate logos on his shirt or hat -- he's wearing the cap of his alma mater, Long Beach State, this week. When he was tactfully asked why he wasn't a walking billboard, he interrupted and laughed, "why don’t you just call me fat and ugly?"
The room roared. Actually, that's not far removed from what other players were saying when they spotted his name in the lead. Defending champion Phil Mickelson, who is tied for fourth and five strokes back, was asked if he was surprised at the name atop the board.
"I think that Paul Goydos is one of the nicest guys we have on tour and he's a very solid player," Mickelson said, trying to be diplomatic. "I, as well as all the players, are happy to see him play well."
Then he paused and added as an aside, "Did I do a good job of redirecting that one?"
No worries, Phil, since Goydos was doing a fine job of burying himself, too. A victory today would earn a windfall of $1.71 million, more than Goydos has made in any single season. That was enough to get his attention turned to more serious commentary.
"This is why we play the game, to test yourself, mentally, physically, spiritually," he said.
He might have added comedically.
Folks might want to pull up a chair on Sunday to see of the player who once was characterized as being able to "find the cloud in any silver lining" can deliver the goods. Because if he does, he'll surely deliver the punchlines afterward.
