And now the five runners up....
The Almost Threesome
Buy a cadaver's hand and wrap it around your boys while you have sex with your wife.
The Beautiful People
Cut out photos of celebrities' faces from your favorite insipid, grocery check out magazine, and blow them up to life size. Then you and your girl wear them as masks while you have sex.
Bonus points if either of you can finish while wearing Star Jones and Al Reynolds masks.
The Floating Chowder
Bang your girl in zero gravity, and shoot your semanauts into the weightless space capsule.
Tip: If you can dodge the floaters, try waiting a few hours to clean up. By that time, your chowder blobs will have hardened, making it easier to gather them up.
The Handsome Pilot
While quoting scenes from Top Gun and wearing aviator helmets, pound your wingman from behind. As you climax and your partner screams, "Eject! Eject! Eject!", jump into the ceiling and snap your neck.
The Working Man
Buy a time clock and mount it above the bed. Before you start, punch in, and upon completion, punch out. Mark any time over five minutes as overtime.
The Hazard County
Take the dirt road while face to face. When you're ready to pop, pull out and shoot your little Duke boys over her Love Bog and safely onto her stomach while she sings "Dixie" and you shout, "YEEEEE HAAAWWWW!"
And finally one for Chiefs.....
The Secret Affair
While eating her boxed lunch, start a flirtatious conversation with her clam. When she asks you what you're doing, deny you are talking to anyone. When she closes her eyes again, laugh and then whisper into her clam, "Shhhhh! You're going to get me in trouble."
