Futurepedia: Cheating scandals from 2007-2057

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles sports topics from the past 50 years. Look for it in the next five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

CHEATING SCANDALS

The dawn of the 21st century revealed embarrassing cheating scandals for many of the major sports of the day. But things would get worse in the next 50 years. A look back:

National Basketball Association (NBA): A 2007 referee scandal that surrounded Tim Donaghy merely represented the tip of the iceberg. Within five years, U.S. federal investigators proved that an additional 20 referees had accepted money from organized crime figures to influence the outcome of games. The incident that drew the most federal scrutiny was investigation of Darryl D. Darrylson, who on Jan. 14, 2011, officiated a match of the New York Knicks at Oklahoma City CashCows, that had the Knicks favored by 6 points with an over-under of 240. The Knicks won, 250-5, thanks to Darrylson calling 147 personal fouls, 27 technical fouls and awarded the Knicks 92 free throws to three for the CashCows. Darrylson also contributed to the Knicks 19 points, 14 rebounds, nine assists and seven blocked shots.

National Football League (NFL): In 2036, Super Bowl LXXX ended in disgrace when it was proven that New York-New Jersey GiantsJets coach Peyton Manning e-mailed offensive playcalls into helmets of defensive players for the Miami-Dade Manatees. Manning's court-ordered punishment of filming a series of anti-gambling public service announcements was deemed a failure, because by 2033 every major sports advertising commercial starred Peyton Manning or a member of his family, and the world was just tuning him out by then anyway.

National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (NASCAR): The 2051 Daytona 500 was supposed to be a reinvigorating boost for the fading sport. NASCAR was unveiling its first underwater track, given that all of Florida was underwater due to rising tides by 2048. Embarrassed NASCAR officials had to cancel the race by lap 25, when it was pointed out that everyone was trying to pull a fast one by driving in the wrong direction and turning right.

Major League Baseball (MLB): Despite great strides taken during baseballs' "second golden era" of 2014-2028 when all steroids and drugs were erradicated from the sport, Commissioner Justin Timberlake had to cancel the 2033 World Series when it was proven that in Game 5 Harvey H. Harveyson's 794th career home run, which overtook Alex Rodriguez's career home run record, was obtained through performance-enhancing drugs. Timberlake became suspicious of Harveyson's achievement because all 794 home runs were hit in that one game.

National Hockey League (NHL): Considered one of the "big four" sports in the 20th century, this sport rode an ever-spiraling descent into oblivion that resulted in its final, inevitable scandal. In order to save on arena operating expenses, Commissioner Jenna Bush ordered in 2018 that the entire league move to Antarctica to take advantage of its large supply of actual ice. It survived for four more years as niche reality programming until a 60 Minutes expose that proved the entire roster of the Pittsburgh Penguins had been replaced by actual penguins.

College football: After decades of controversy, Division I football finally embraced the "plus one" playoff format in the 2044 season. Unfortunately, dilution of scholarship levels and over-expansion of schools eligible for Division I play (1,042 at that point) meant that every game that season ended in a scoreless tie. Every team was declared national champs, and all student-athletes received participation certificates in lieu of diplomas.

CHEATING SCANDALS

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