Futurepedia: How the NFL went global

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

SPORTS ORGANIZATIONS: The National Football League

Futurepedia -- your official sports almanac of the year 2057 -- breaks down many of the notable NFL games that have been played outside the borders of the United States:

2005: In Mexico City, the Arizona Cardinals defeated the San Francisco 49ers 31-14 in the first regular season game outside the United States before a record crowd of 103,467. Entire dozens of Mexican children give up soccer for American-style football.

2007: In London, the Miami Dolphins fell to 0-8 after being run through the mud by the New York Giants, 13-10, before a rain-soaked crowd of 81,176. However, this inspires the Dolphins to win their next eight regular season games, qualify for the playoffs, blow out the Steelers, Colts and Patriots in the AFC playoffs, and humiliate the Giants 52-9 in Super Bowl XLII.

2012: The Buffalo Bills put in motion a plan to play a regular season game in Toronto. After defeating the Green Bay Packers 27-20, the Bills announce that they are not returning to Buffalo, and unveil their new logo as the Toronto Bills. Citizens of Buffalo are royally pissed until the following June when the Buffalo Sabres win their first of four consecutive Stanley Cup Trophies.

2018: The New York Jets defeat the Los Angeles Vikings 29-10 in a game played in Kazakhstan at behest of NFL commissioner Borat Sagdiyev. After the game it was revealed that Borat is actually a character played by British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. The American pubic then remembers, "Oh, right, that Borat guy. We remember now. That guy was a big deal for a few months in 2006, then he kinda disappeared."

2021: In Australia, the Sidney Jaguars open their regular season against the Indianapolis Colts with a 21-14 win after relocating from Jacksonville. The team plays in Sidney for two years before realizing that there are fewer NFL fans in Sidney than there were in Jacksonville.

2029: NFL gives thumbs down to opening a franchise in Las Vegas due to presence of gambling. Instead, they relocate the Houston Texans to Monte Carlo, where, whoops, there's gambling there too. The Monte Carlo Monacoans lose to the Portland Pigskinners, 9-3.

2035: In response to security breakdowns that led to riots at the 2034 Super Bowl in Detroit, the next year's Super Bowl is moved to Baghdad. Coincidentally, a nephew of Saddam Hussein kicks the winning field goal. American-style football fever sweeps Iraq, enters Iran, and the two countries resolve to solve all their differences from that point on strictly on the gridiron.

2039: Entire NFL season is played in Cayman Islands as scheme to avoid paying U.S. taxes. This is because the NFL was bought by an offshore online gambling consortium. Late in the season, the NFL moves back to American soil when the league is repurchased by the citizens of Green Bay, Wisconsin, who all became instant trillionaires with their invention of downloadable Wisconsin cheese.

2042: The Dallas Cowboys and Baltimore Redskins play in Rio, but everybody got so hammered that nobody remembers what happened. All video footage of whatever game was actually played was erased by cameramen who spent the week filming Brazilian bikini babes.

2044: The Omaha Outlaws and San Antonio Saints arrive in Bolivia to play their season opener. But the people of Bolivia thought the game was supposed to be played in 2045, and hadn't gotten around to building a proper American football stadium yet. Thus, the teams played to a scoreless tie in a grassy meadow.

2048: The New York Jets and New York Giants play their first game in Shanghai as part of a one-year relocation project. To the Jets' chagrin, they are still playing in an arena whose name translates to "Giants Stadium."

SPORTS ORGANIZATIONS: The National Football League

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