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EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.
SPORTS PERSONALITIES: Dennis Miller
1985-1991: Breaks onto national scene by hosting "Weekend Update" segment of Saturday Night Live. He makes his mark with a penchant for obscure pop culture references and sarcastic delivery. Spends much of the '90s and early '00s hosting various news and entertainment cable talk shows.
2000-2001: Miller makes his big breakthrough into sports broadcasting by being named to the booth of Monday Night Football. He joins play-by-play man Al Michaels and ex-QB Dan Fouts. Although his football knowledge did not offer the highest insight, he avoided lapsing into his R-rated vocabulary on live national TV. Censor would have a heart attack during any games featuring Marshall Faulk.
2007: Rejoins the sports talk field by hosting Sports Unfiltered on the cable network Versus. Critics call it a perfect match: Miller makes use of obscure pop culture references, Versus is the most obscure sports network on American cable.
2008: Versus puts the versatile Miller to the test in its wide array of sports offerings. They place him in the NHL broadcasting booth, and ratings instantly double to 0.2; they assign him to take part in hunting shows to attract his fellow high-profile conservatives as guests; and they send him to the rodeo circuit because he is so versed in slinging the bull.
2012: Miller launches a Saturday morning kids instructional baseball series called Dennis Miller's Baseball Bunch. It is canceled after one episode because of all the F-bombs he rains on the kids who strike out.
2015: Joins with Basketball Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman to start a nationally syndicated morning radio show called Dennis & Dennis. Enjoys surprising success in elbowing through the crowded morning sports talk field of Mike & Mike (Greenberg and Golic), Peyton & Payton (Manning and Gary), Urban & Urban (Meyer and Keith), and Saban and Satan (Nick and Evil Incarnate).
2021: Principal investor in a minor league baseball team called The Santa Barbara Digressions. Fans come far and wide just to listen to his Seventh Inning Rants.
2026: In his first return to SNL since leaving the "Update" chair, Miller proves a triumphant host with his uproarious instant classic sketch where he portrays former Yankees manager Joe Torre as a wise-ass who takes on the New York media in a press conference that ends with him punching out Alex Rodriguez.
2037: Inducted into broadcaster's wing of Baseball Hall of Fame for his tireless work in tapping old-timey baseball players into his arcane pop culture references. Example: "I'm necessarily siding with critics who say Senator Jenna Bush made a bad move with that photo op aboard the Iraqi space station last week, but some of these people would have you believe Charley Root is the type of guy who would make like the flunky who tipped off the feds to the Corleone family's hideout at the end of Godfather V. Know what I mean, cha-cha?"
| More Futurepedia Entries | ||||
| Locations: Lambeau Field | Oklahoma City College football coaches: Joe Paterno | Jimbo Fisher | Nick Saban | Sylvester Croom | Ron Zook Sports personalities: Shaquille O'Neal | Eli Manning | Bobby Petrino | Dennis Miller Sports organizations: The NHL | The NFL | college football boosters College football teams: University of South Florida Major League Baseball: How MLB went 'green' | Future stadium construction | Joe Torre's corruption Misc. entries: College sports & the Mafia | Changes to Augusta National | College students hyping athletic programs | Tiger Woods branded products | NCAA stock car racing | Golfers vs. wildlife | Exhuming sports stars | Congressional sports witch hunts | College football recruiting hoaxes | NFL on Ice | sports equipment | cheating | video games, extinct sports leagues, etc. | ||||
