Futurepedia: Sylvester Croom mows down the SEC - SPiN - CBSSports.com The Lighter Side of Sports

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades on the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACHES: Sylvester 'Coach Slayer' Croom

An All-American center for Paul "Bear" Bryant's Alabama Crimson Tide in the early 1970s, Croom was named head coach of the Bulldogs in 2004.

In a fascinating side note, Croom has the distinction for being in some way responsible for the ouster of the head coach at each Southeastern Conference school during an incredible run from 2006-2016:

2006: Following a season in which Alabama lost to Mississippi State 26-14, the Crimson Tide fired Mike Shula -- who in 2003 had edged Croom for the head coaching spot in Tuscaloosa. Shula would spend the next three years as quarterbacks coach for the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars, after which he stepped aside to become a night shift manager at the first Shula's Steakhouse to be opened in a retirement community in Naples, Fla.

2007: In a thrilling climax to the Egg Bowl, Mississippi State converts a 48-yard field goal with 17 seconds left to edge Mississippi 17-14 in Starkville. The Bulldogs score 17 points in the final eight minutes, and Croom breaks from his usually stoic character to race up and down the field with a team flag. Rebels coach Ed Orgeron, who oversaw an 0-8 conference record for 2007, was fired the next day. Orgeron soon went on to lead a successful career in providing vocal talent for various children's cartoon programming. Orgeron's most popular creation was Scooby-Doo's cousin, Snootchie-Doo.

2008: It is indisputable that Mississippi State beat Kentucky 72-56, but the exact cause of Rich Brooks' firing is believed to be due to a misunderstanding in the Wildcats athletics department. A stats sheet was mistakenly circulated that the Bulldogs outrebounded the Wildcats 32-24, had a higher shooting percentage, and owned double-digit advantages in assists, turnovers and free-throw shooting.

2009: Tennessee triumphed over the Bulldogs 60-58 in a five-overtime instant classic, but a scandal erupted when it was revealed that coach Phillip Fulmer was intentionally playing to keep the score tied, because boosters had arranged to funnel him an extra turkey leg for every overtime period that the Vols could survive.

2010: Although Vanderbilt beat the Bulldogs for the Commodores' seventh win on the season and thus became bowl-eligible for the first time since 1982, Bobby Johnson was relieved of duty when it was revealed that Mississippi State players had beaten Vanderbilt head-to-head in a "read to achieve" program.

2011: Because Croom had beaten Auburn every year since 2007, the pressure for coach Tommy Tuberville to spark a turnaround led many to dub this year's installment "The Iron Egg Bowl." With the Bulldogs leading 31-0 at halftime, a group of Auburn boosters and the university president left the game to board a private jet and flew to Atlanta, Ga., where they immediately hired Atlanta Falcons coach Bobby Petrino as their new head coach.

2012: In order to gain an emotional edge against a Mississippi State team that had beaten him four times in a row, Georgia coach Mark Richt ordered his players to storm the field in celebration after their first score of the game. Because 20,000 Georgia fans also stormed the field, authorities reclassified the event from "celebration" to "riot."

2013: Mississippi State routed South Carolina in the SEC championship game 41-0, but many observers point to the Bulldogs' success coming in part due to the Gamecocks' infamous "chicken curse." Namely, that in pregame ceremonies, Carolina coach Steve Spurrier was knocked unconscious when a 40-foot tall sign for sponsor Under Armour's catch phrase "Click-Clack!" collapsed onto the Ol' Ball Coach's head.

2014: LSU ends the day triumphant 48-44 in a battle of 9-0 teams, but after the miracle razzle-dazzle of the final play's 82-yard quadruple-reverse flea flicker seals the deal for the Tigers, coach Les Miles strips naked, grabs an LSU flag and runs around the field until he is subdued by authorities and declared insane.

2015: Mississippi State scores the surprise of the season when the school's genetic engineering department unveils in The Swamp a perfectly cloned version of Tim Tebow that had been in the works for nearly a decade. Pandemonium ensues when after diving for the winning touchdown, a genetic flaw shockingly turns Tebow 2 into a green-skinned Hulk that pulverizes Urban Meyer and the Florida coaching staff.

2016: After being humiliated by the Bulldogs 72-3 in the season opener, Arkansas coach Nick Saban resigns his $8 million-per-year head coaching post in order to take over head coaching duties for the NFL's Toronto Bills for $8.01 million per year.