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Pete is excited for the national championship while the Banter crew welcomes a new addition, Mr. Steve Sears. P.S. ladies, this guy loves the Patriots -- and looks like Tom Brady.
| STEVE SEARS | PETE STELLA |
| BOURBON QUESTION: Is it wrong to take extreme joy in seeing teams and/or individuals you despise getting kicked while they're down? | |
| I look like Tom Brady all right, if he got into a bar fight with Kimbo Slice. It's certainly not wrong to kick teams while they're down. Look at the Patriots' rivals, the Jets and Dolphins. When your team's highlight is the coach's cameo on The Sopranos, you know you're a Jets fan. And the Dolphins haven't won in a year. They traded a second-round pick for A.J. Feeley and a fifth-round pick for Trent Green. The Patriots traded a second-round pick for Corey Dillon and a fourth-rounder for Randy Moss. Of course Dolphins fans (an annoying minority in New England) blame their woes on Bill Belichick. Makes sense. It's safe to say they can't lose enough. By the way, my hatred for the Yankees matches Pete's disdain for Tom Brady U. and while they're not exactly "down," the fact that Hank Steinbrenner is running things makes me smile. | The answer is simple: no, heck no. As I'm sure Mr. Sears has stated, he's a fan of everything Boston, so does he cry when the Yankees fail to make the World Series -- again? Not a chance in heck. For me, this whole Michigan coaching ordeal fills me with a joy that's hard to match. Not only did the mighty Buckeyes thump the Wolverines for the sixth time in seven tries, Lloyd Carr quit and now Michigan is scrambling to find his replacement. Les Miles says no and Greg Schiano says he'd rather stay in New Jersey. Wow. For the winningest program in the history of college football, things aren't looking too good. National signing day is two months away and Michigan doesn't have a coach. That's bad, really, really bad. So allow me to kick the Wolverines while they are down, then run them over with my car, back up, and do it again. |
| SCOTCH QUESTION: It seems that every ex-jock weasels his way into a TV color analyst job. Which one is the worst? | |
| There's just so many to choose from. Merrill Hodge would pick the Steelers to win the Stanley Cup. Tim McCarver is too busy poking at a Manny Ramirez voodoo doll to call games. Emmitt Smith is still stuck in first grade with Michael Irvin. But the worst is actually a well-spoken one: Tom Jackson. I expect more from him. I know I'm being a homer here, but if you despise the Patriots, just say it. He can't hide his hatred for all things Foxborough no matter how hard he tries. He infamously noted that the Pats "hate their coach" before they went on to win back-to-back Super Bowls. After the Pats-Colts game in November, Tom Jackson was clearly devastated, as if someone stole his Orange Crush memorabilia. He almost tripped over himself to be the first to use the "Colts were injured" excuse. Pathetic, but not surprising at all. | As a member of the media, it annoys the crap out of me that these ex-jocks scoop up broadcast jobs that hard-working professional journalists can't get. There are so many bad ones there might be a 10-way tie for first place in the World Color Analyst in the Universe contest. Topping the list is Daffy Duck, aka Lou Holtz, who I hope gets one of these open coaching jobs so he can never be allowed on TV again. Deion Sanders is awful on the NFL Network and his suits could give a blind person a headache. Mark May drives me crazy because he always, always picks against the Buckeyes just to be a jerk. And Ron Jaworski loves to bore the 15 Monday Night Football viewers by chiming in with his career highlights every 20 seconds. Don't be surprised if Michael Vick lands himself a cushy ESPN job when he gets out of the jail. |
| BEER QUESTION: Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Say it isn't so, Jack Bauer. Which celebrity or character would you love to see in the slammer? | |
| I'm a huge fan of 24. It's the best show in history, besides the great lineup of crime dramas on CBS. To see that the star is in jail is tough for me to take but I tend to think that Kiefer is not stuck in prison, but that the prison is stuck around him. Only Jack Bauer could incarcerate a jail. The celebrity I wouldn't mind serving time is Nicolas Cage (pun intended). He has to pay for being such an overrated bad actor, right? Sure, Con Air and The Rock were fun, but John Malkovich and Sean Connery were the true stars of those classics. I'll give him credit for Adaptation, but his monotone-then-scream technique is old and his thespian exploits remind me of a middle school student reading a book report in front of class. He needs some time in the clink. Someone's gotta pay for 8MM. | Dry your tears young Sears and don't worry, Jack Bauer will be out of jail soon and saving the world for the 50,000th time in just a measly 24 hours. Maybe MacGyver will help him bust out with an iPod, a stick of gum and an empty Vitamin Water bottle. In our society, there are so many worthy celebs that deserve a stint in jail. Michael Vick got what he deserved and here's hoping that O.J. Simpson and Pacman Jones receive the same fate. Since most trailer trash divas such as Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton have already experienced jail, I vote that any past or present member of a boy band or American Idol spend a few weeks dropping the soap. Justin Timberlake may be the only exception because, dare I say, he actually has musical and acting talent. How funny would it be to see Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken making shivs and license plates? |
| Previous Bar Room Banters: Dec. 6 | Nov. 29 | Nov. 21 | Nov. 14 | Nov. 7 | Oct. 31 | Oct. 10 | Oct. 3 | Sept. 26 | |
