Futurepedia: Hop on over to Bobby Petrino's pad - SPiN - CBSSports.com The Lighter Side of Sports

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

SPORTS PERSONALITIES: Bobby Petrino

Bobby "Frogger" Petrino (born March 10, 1961) -- Coach who led teams at college and pro levels; earned nickname for his penchant of "leapfrogging" from one coaching assignment to the next.

July 2006: Signs 10-year, $25.5 million contract with the University of Louisville to remain as head football coach. Petrino signs deal after stopping at Kinko's to run off new copies of his resume that reflect this new offer.

January 2007: Signs five-year, $24 million contract with the NFL's Atlanta Falcons to become head football coach. Promises that he and Michael Vick will win way more than three games by Week 14.

December 2007: Signs five-year, $14.25 million contract to return to college football as head football coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks. By the end of his first year in the SEC West, Petrino has more wins than Mississippi's Houston Nutt, less luck than LSU's Les Miles, more fame than Mississippi State's Sylvester Croom, more money than Auburn's Tommy Tuberville, but less likability than Alabama's Nick Saban.

December 2008: Signs six-year, $10.2 million contract to become head coach of Major League Soccer's New England Revolution. Admits at introductory press conference that we were misinformed about what type of "futbol" he'd be coaching. NFL general managers and NCAA athletics directors vow never to hire Petrino as football coach again -- unless, of course, he interviews really well and seems like the answer to their desperate prayers.

October 2009: Signs seven-year, $18.8 million deal to be head coach of the NBA's New York Knicks. Promises to bring "honor, discipline, integrity, and a return to fundamentals that were absent under my predecessor, Isiah Thomas." Knicks start his watch by losing their first 37 games. But still, Petrino is hailed as a genius offensive play-caller.

April 2010: Becomes pit crew chief for NASCAR's Juan Pablo Montoya. Under Petrino's genius strategizing, Montoya's car qualifies for ninth place in the Chase for the Cup. But, with three races to go in the season, Petrino startles everybody by quitting the team. He does this by convincing Montoya to step out of the car to look at the tire pressure, then Petrino jumps into the driver's seat and races away.

September 2011: Returns to professional football by signing four-year, $8.8 million contract to be head coach of the Canadian Football League's Calgary Stampede. Petrino insists he really will honor all four years of this contract by noting, "because two Canadian years is like one normal American year."

August 2012: Because the entire Oakland A's coaching staff is caught selling steroids to its players, team management in desperation signs Petrino to a half-year deal to finish out the season. Petrino raises eyebrows by not dressing in dugout in customary baseball uniform, but opts for windbreaker, headphones, and playcalling sheet.

February 2013: When the NHL's Florida Panthers announce a move to Seattle, they hire Petrino to get to the city before them so he can be ready to bully players around as their new coach (and when players arrive they can be prepared to tune him out). Signs five-year, $2 million deal.

January 2014: Signs one-year voluntary deal to be coach of the U.S. men's Olympic basketball team. Resigns after first practice when he realizes he would likely leave the job before the Olympic games actually rolled around.

March 2015: Signs six-year, $3 million deal to be coach of the WNBA's Kansas City Kittens. Leads team to league title, named WNBA coach of the year.

June 2016: Signs 10-year, $10 million deal to coach on the Bassmasters Tour. Initially believes his job is to coach anglers how to catch fish; later discovers his job would be to teach bass how to avoid getting caught. Resigns when he reasons that bass, as a rule, have no cash.

March 2026: Signs $11 million deal with HarperCollins to publish his memoirs, "Confessions of a Leapfrogger." Halfway through writing the book, he quits so that he can write a guide at how to beat the video game Frogger.