Futurepedia: If you build it, fans will come ... to shell out more money - SPiN

Major League Baseball stadium construction

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

One of the most high-stakes elements of America's pastime is the quest to create lucrative new ballparks. MLB.com even features a page devoted to "Ballparks of the Future."

Here are some significant contributions to ballpark architecture:

2009: Not only do the New York Yankees and Mets begin the year in new stadiums, they are still playing in these stadiums come October as World Series opponents. The Mets are champions 4-3 in a Series where the visiting team is the victor in each matchup. Hank Steinbrenner is so upset by his team's lack of home-field advantage in new Yankee Stadium that he is hospitalized when he can't decide whether to sue for a refund on all construction costs or whether he should buy Citi Field from the Mets and move the Bronx Bombers to Queens.

2010: The Minnesota Twins open their new open-air ballpark. The baseball atmosphere is deemed so superior to that of playing in a dome that Twins ownership spends all summer mailing panoramic postcards of the environment to all their former players who are now stars for other teams.

2011: The Oakland Athletics open play at Cisco Field in Fremont, Calif., which is 27 miles from Oakland. In an ill-fated effort to salute its Oakland roots, the Athletics host an "Al Davis Appreciation Day" where fans are invited to the park dressed as the feisty owner of the NFL's Raiders. The day ends in disaster when all the fans who dressed as Davis sue the A's for pain and suffering for having to drive 27 miles every game to Fremont.

2012: The Tampa Bay Rays open their new riverfront ballpark in St. Petersburg. The stadium is heavy on interactive fan amusements, the most popular of which is a time-space portal that zips fans to a parallel universe where the Rays are pennant contenders.

2013: After two decades of playing in a football stadium, the Florida Marlins change their name to the Miami Marlins upon groundbreaking of their new, state-of-the-art baseball-only stadium. Unfortunately, until that stadium is completed, the Marlins are forced to become co-tenants in the hockey arena where the Florida Panthers play.

2016: As a 75th birthday present to himself, former vice president Dick Cheney buys the Texas Rangers -- the team once co-owned in the 1990s by Cheney's ex-Oval Office colleague George W. Bush. Cheney moves the team from The Ballpark at Arlington to a dome that he ordered constructed in his secret underground lair. Thus, results and descriptions from all home games under his ownership have never been publicly disclosed, since they are considered top-secret classified property of the United States government.

2017: New stadium financing deal for Miami Marlins falls apart over details of collecting aluminum cans. Negotiations are deadlocked over whether the aluminum should be recycled into stadium material or traded in for a nickel a can. With no formal stadium of their own, the Marlins are forced to play the rest of their games in sandlots. But since sandlots are few and far between in development-mad South Florida, the games must be played in swamps of the Everglades. The Marlins set a major league record for most baseballs lost in the muck.

2026: The Atlanta Braves open play in their new stadium, which includes a record number of revenue-boosting luxury boxes. The vast majority of unrented luxury boxes are then leased to operators of Atlanta's thriving gentlemen's club industry. Revenue generated from lap dances during the season fuels the Braves' 2028-2034 era of World Series title domination.

2034: The Boston Red Sox are so incredibly profitable that plans for the New Fenway Park call for the latest version of the "Green Monster" to be constructed entirely from bundles of $100 bills glued together.

2040: Mexico City is granted an expansion team on the strength of its dual-purpose baseball stadium/bullfighting ring. The first two months of games by the Mexico City Expos are embraced by fans until the tragic day when a baseball game and bullfight are scheduled for the same time. Someone forgot to lock up the bulls in the home team's bullpen, and all relievers were gored, trampled or worse.

2042: Given that the "throwback uniform" craze has died out, the Seattle Mariners attempt to start a "Throwback Stadium" craze. An exact replica of the Kingdome is built for $2.8 billion in taxpayer money. Unfortunately, no one told the construction crew that the team had intended to play actual games in the throwback stadium. Hence, the crew detonated Kingdom 2 an hour after its ribbon-cutting in order to generate a cool YouTube video of its collapse that so mimicked the collapse of Kingdome 1 that no one can tell the difference. Thus $2.8 billion in taxpayer money could have been saved just by logging on to YouTube.

2044: In Baltimore, plans for a revamped Camden Yards include an interactive fan museum that salutes great Orioles teams of the past. Incredibly popular are tours of the soundstages and studios beneath the concourses where scenes are filmed for the latest holodramas that continue the tradition of great TV shows that chronicle Baltimore as a deadly and depressing city in which to live (see: Homicide: Life on the Street and The Wire.

2055: Plans are unveiled for "Yankee Stadium 3," which include monuments to all-time career home run leader Alex Rodriguez, Hall of Fame owners of the Steinbrenner family, and the YES Network -- by which Major League Baseball has been purchased as a subsidiary.