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If you're the type of person who has an Internet connection, friends, and a sense of humor, chances are at least one person has alerted your attention to a little site called Stuff White People Like.
Started way back in January, SWPL has been virtually inescapable, getting written up on countless websites, and in a few bigger places like the New York Times and Washington Post. It has even been given positive shout outs by people as diverse as conservative political writer Andrew Sullivan and hip-hop superstar Kanye "this blog is 2 funny" West.
As the name implies, stuffwhitepeoplelike.com contains a handy glossary of things that modern, yuppified white people tend to enjoy. The entries cover pop culture (No. 85: The Wire; No. 41: Indie music; No. 10: Wes Anderson movies); food (No. 1: Coffee; No. 63: Expensive sandwiches; No. 42: Sushi); important issues (No. 7: Diversity; No. 8: Barack Obama; No. 62: Having gay friends); and of course, sports (No. 4: Assists; No. 30: Wrigley Field; No. 80: The idea of soccer).
With the NBA playoffs tipping off this weekend, I figured a good way to preview the action would be to converse over e-mail with the site's founder and writer, Christian Lander (stuff white people like: avoiding actual interviews). Below you'll find his thoughts on the league, the game itself and some of the key teams and players who will be competing for the trophy in the coming months.
Q: First, is it fair to say that "Complaining about how the NBA isn't as good as it used to be" something that white people like?
A: Yes. However, this is mostly due to the fact that white people find the older, short shorts to be more endearing. Also, they miss Larry Bird and Kurt Rambis. A lot.
Q: Many white people prefer the NFL to the NBA. I think this is because they can't relate to the extreme athleticism of NBA superstars, and are convinced they were a few dropped passes from being Brett Favre. True?
A: I think more white people prefer to believe that they were a few missed passes from being a scrappy fifth-year point guard at Princeton, Davidson or Gonzaga. So white people don't really like the NFL more, they just like college basketball more than the NBA.
Q: No. 4 on your list of stuff white people like is "Assists" because "it makes (white people) feel good to help others." This fact is indisputable. However, in the past two seasons, only two white guys (Steve Nash, Kirk Hinrich) have finished in the top 15 in assists, whereas many of the top finishers in 3-point percentage (Jason Kapono, Nash, Peja Stojakovic, Matt Carroll, Sasha Vujacic, Mike Miller, etc.) are white. So shouldn't white people like 3-pointers more than assists?
A: Well, on the surface this seems like a good idea and white people do love the 3-pointer. But remember, you're talking NBA. The blog is mostly about ALL white people, and so the assist is still king. This is also because passing allows you to get glory without a lot of risk. That is to say if you make a good pass and the guy scores, you get respect. If he misses, it's not your fault. It's just basic risk management.
Q: Why do white people at NBA games think it's OK to wear official jerseys over dress shirts?
A: Because they might get called back to the office in the third quarter. You need to be a chameleon, able to blend in everywhere. I used to live in Quebec, and for some reason it was acceptable to TUCK your jersey into your jeans. Think about that one for a while.
Q: Are white people pissed at Isiah Thomas for screwing up the Knicks?
A: White people in New York. I'm pretty sure white people in the rest of the Eastern Conference are thrilled. Also, all people (not just white people) are happy that he's there. It's a reminder that they could be an NBA GM and not be the worst in history.
Q: Do white people like any NBA player nearly as much as they like David Lee?
A: Steve Nash is pretty solid because he dated a few celebrities. Other than that, it would be hard to beat.
Q: Do you think Tyler Hansbrough has the potential to be the most popular white player since Larry Bird?
A: No. He's lacks white charisma. Adam Morrison should be the true heir. Note: SHOULD be.
Q: Can white people not fully accept the whiteness of Dirk Nowitzki because he's German?
A: He looks like Barry Pepper. He's doing just fine.
Q: Sure, white people like Asian Girls (No. 11 on your list), but do they like Yao Ming?
A: They like the idea of Yao Ming. But they are reserving judgment until they find out his thoughts on Tibet.
Q: Does having a blog and dressing like Nick Lachey make Mark Cuban the whitest, or least-white owner in the NBA?
A: This is a tough question, but until the Mavericks go carbon neutral he can't claim the title.
Q: Now that Carmelo Anthony has been arrested for DUI, is he officially the NBA player that white people are most afraid of? Or is that still Stephen Jackson?
A: Carmelo Anthony is from Baltimore. White people love The Wire, it has taught them much about the city. And they are petrified of him.
Q: It's no secret that white people like "fundamentals." However, do you feel that the same white people who praise the Pistons and Spurs for "playing the game right," secretly root for free-styling teams like Denver, Golden State, and (until recently) Phoenix?
A: It depends on the age group. All white people under 35 would much prefer if the league turned into NBA Jam.
Q: The Spurs "play the game right," and their three best players are from places (Argentina, France, Virgin Islands) that white people love to visit. In theory this should make them the most white-person-friendly team since the Bird-era Celtics. How come they haven't caught on?
A: One word: Texas.
Q: Now that the Celtics are good again, does that automatically make them the team white people will be rooting for this postseason? Or does a lack of a white player not named "Scalabrine" or "Pollard" hurt their cause.
A: White people will still cheer for the Celtics, it's pretty much in their blood. Although they could use a few more Duke grads.
Q: What about Cleveland? White people do tend to like superstar players and underdog cities.
A: White people are pretty neutral on Cleveland. They are waiting for the miraculous comeback of Mark Price.
Q: They have the league leader in assists, a white sharpshooter and play in post-Katrina New Orleans. Shouldn't the Hornets be the white person's pick for the NBA playoffs?
A: Most white people are still pretty sure the Hornets still play in Charlotte.
Q: How about the Utah Jazz? On one hand they have four solid Caucasians and a history of whiteness, on the other hand, they play in Utah -- a state that's a little too white for some white people.
A: White people fear the Jazz. They saw what the franchise did to Karl Malone. It's like a cult up there.
Q: Any sleeper teams and/or players that white people should follow this postseason?
A: Benetton Treviso. Oh? You don't follow Euroleague?
Q: You're from Toronto and know a lot about white people. Any idea what happened to Snow?
A: He's dropping freestyles at the back of a Tim Horton's (Canadian Donut chain) in Scarborough. He's cheering for the Raptors.
