Futurepedia: These fantasy leagues hurt so good

Have you had a fantasy season spoiled by injury?   9%  Not yet     91%  Of course     Total Votes: 11

Editor's note: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

One of the most infuriating aspects of fantasy sports is the unpredictable role of injuries to the actual athletes. Many a fabulous fantasy season has been derailed by a key injury at an inopportune time.

But the widespread appeal of fantasy sports meant it was only a matter of time before fantasy leagues that were devoted to sports injuries took root and spread.

Here are some key fantasy milestones in conjunction with actual sports injuries.

2009: While fantasy golf has never had widespread appeal, Tiger Woods' return from knee surgery meant an explosion of interest in Injury Fantasy Golf. Woods powered his way to victories in the year's first three majors, proving the operation was a success. But he did miss the cut at the PGA Championship when he developed an allergy to the artificial coloring in Gatorade Tiger's newest flavor, Bitter Berry Peanut Butter Banana Punch.

With a shot at the grand slam of golf, Tiger Woods fell victim to his own Gatorade flavor. (Getty Images)

2010: In what is billed as Curt Schilling's final postseason opportunity, rotisserie baseball fans place their bets on which injury is most likely to cut him short: a return of the bloody sock; a breakdown of his retooled shoulder; or a punch in the nose by Manny Ramirez for not helping him score extra playoff tickets.

2014: The National Hockey League is indisputably the king of all Injury Fantasy Leagues. It generates an extra $475 million a year in revenue for the league. Fans and observers alike agree that this success coincides with the league's decree that players be stripped of virtually all protective gear, including helmets, pads, cups and mouthguards. Goaltenders are now permitted only to wear boxer shorts.

2018: NASCAR and IRL combine to form a coast-to-coast Death Race, which will be held every four years in a World Cup format. The most popular forms of injury to select for drivers are heat exhaustion, fatigue, whiplash, ejection from the cockpit during a rollover, or sticker shock from $37-per-gallon gas.

2019: Wheelchair basketball is predicted to be the next big Injury Fantasy sport. But this turns out to be a bust, since the worst that could have happened to these athletes has already happened. Hey, they're confined to wheelchairs, for cryin' out loud.

2026: The figure skating finals at the Winter Olympics in Rio de Janeiro are canceled when a plot is discovered that the husband of one of the finalists planned to take a led pipe to the kneecaps of the odds-on, photogenic fan favorite. However, fantasy injury fans made a fortune in the semifinals, because poison sequins were accidentally sewn into most of the leotards.

2030: The Tough Actin' Tinactin Institute sends shock waves through the fantasy injury industry when it announces it has discovered the cure to turf toe. However, a side effect of the remedy is that residual foot fungus becomes sentient. Underground colonies are formed, and their society quickly develops to the point where they can devise nuclear warheads and an appreciation for the latest Madonna comeback tour.

2034: Injury Fantasy Leagues based on horse racing witness their first ever Triple Crown: The winners of the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont Stakes all sustained leg injuries at the finish line and were euthanized.

2040: In an effort to combat the perception that Injury Fantasy Leagues celebrate the pain of athletes, the national Injury Fantasy League Alliance joins with the Red Cross to hold charity blood drives across the country. It is arranged that star athletes will donate blood to help with the cause.

It is soon learned that athletes had sent their genetically engineered Injury Replacement Clone Androids to donate blood. The Red Cross then must engage in a public relations campaign to remind the public that Replacement Clone Android blood is never to be used in transfusions for humans, since Replacement Clone Android blood is essentially antifreeze. Public sentiment now turns against the players, and Injury Fantasy Leagues enjoy an upsurge in popularity.

With success finally within their grasp, Martian Chicken Pox kept the U.S. soccer team from gold. (Getty Images)

2046: The U.S. soccer team finally qualifies for the final of the World Cup. However, the night before the match, the entire team is stricken by an aggressive form of Martian Chicken Pox. Emergency Replacement Clone Androids are sent in, but in error Replacement Arena Football League Clone Androids are sent instead of Replacement Soccer Clone Androids. The U.S. loses to New Australia by the humiliating score of 3-0. The U.S. soccer coach vows that Martian Chicken Pot Pie will never be served for a team meal again.

2049: The "Ow! My Balls!" World Series premieres on the Fox-Wall Street Journal Hologram Network. Within three years, its ratings outpace the Super Bowl, World Series and Death Race World Cup combined.