ClayNation: No losers when ranking girls of SEC

Rating the girls of the SEC is a bit like choosing your favorite child. You like them all and they each have their own particular charms, unusual traits and annoying tendencies that somehow make them even more endearing.

Of course, this analogy would have more power coming from me if I actually had any children. But, to be clear, you really can't go wrong when it comes to the women of the SEC. In fact, the quality of the women in the SEC might be the only thing more competitive than the football games.

It's altogether possible that if you took any of these 12 SEC schools and put their girls up against any other school in the country, the SEC would win. But that doesn't eliminate the need for the ClayNation SEC Girls Power Rankings. So here we go.

These rankings are guaranteed to make me unpopular with some fan bases. In fact, I've already been getting e-mails lobbying me one way or the other. Since I already killed the suspense by endorsing Ole Miss girls as the overall No. 1, I've even been getting lots of e-mail arguments suggesting that my Ole Miss decision is flawed.

Jeff from Gulfport, Miss.: "As to your having the monumental task of ranking the hottest girls in the SEC, how much will attire come into play? I ask because every girl at Ole Miss dresses up for games like they're going to prom. They don't get out to tailgate under their chandeliers until late because they are so worried about the way they look. To me, at least, I find it much sexier when a girl puts on a tight T-shirt (jersey, tank top, etc.) and short shorts/tight jeans and gets out to the tailgate at an early hour to begin drinking. I'm not trying to take away anything from the girls at Ole Miss because they are rather attractive, I just find girls at other schools that aren't afraid to show their school spirit (while still looking hot) more attractive. I hope this helps."

Bo from Mississippi: "I find myself in Oxford about three times a year (generally, twice accompanying my wife as she recruits law students and once for some sporting event involving Auburn) and every time I make a point to critique their heralded women. While I freely admit that Ole Miss girls always try their best and often succeed, their pure talent level lags girls of other more Southern and Eastern SEC schools. In sum, Ole Miss girls are Danny Wuerffel-esque."

A few of these e-mails have not even focused on Ole Miss, but have just been threats.

Such as John from Florida: "If you don't rank UF No. 1, I will beat your ass."

Now I know how Thurgood Marshall felt when he was litigating cases in the deep South. Incidentally I did my legal thesis on Thurgood Marshall, and the coolest fact I learned about him? His legitimate fraternity nickname, and I'm dead serious about this, was One Nut. Because he only had one testicle.

What odds would have you have given me on a Supreme Court justice having a nickname like this before you read this column? Ten-thousand-to-one? But despite all these e-mails seeking to lobby me, I've been true to my own view during my 8,500 miles worth of fall travels around the SEC.

The only adjustment these results have received is based on the benefit of the weather. That is, I've never met or seen a girl who didn't look better in the sunshine than she did in the cold or the rain. So, all things being equal, there was a clear advantage conveyed for games that were on campus in September or October. So I've done my best to take this into account.

The ClayNation DDT SEC Girl Power Rankings:

1. Ole Miss: Put any man in the Grove for more than an hour, give him legitimate openness of opinion (e.g. his wife can't be a graduate of a competing school and threaten withholding of sex if his vote doesn't comport with her own vote), and I personally guarantee he will be blown away by the beauty. Put it this way, if you clubbed a guy in the head, dragged him to the Grove, woke him up and told him that he was dead and now in Heaven, he'd probably believe you.